Today is a big day! We are going to start dog walking again. I’m going to bring two children to the dog park, two children, my dog, and our first return client. 

Soon I will cut up some fruit and make a grilled cheese for the road. We will get in the car and hope that the baby doesn’t scream and cry. He’s the reason I’ve taken so long to return: he spent the first 4 months of his life hating the car. 

But now, he’s ok most of the time. He’ll look at his sister one carseat over and smile, hoping for her to pay him some attention. All day long he’s looking at us, smiling. Willing us to come over to play or to pick him up. He smiles through his tears, as if he read some article on how to get people to spend time with you when you’re a baby. His cheeks red, eyes wet with tears, legs kick kick kicking in his rocking chair and a big, open mouth smile on his face.

I go to him as much as I can. But, I have to prepare food. I have to put one cat in her litter box and clean the other cat’s while he’s on the floor, sometimes chewing on his toes, sometimes grunting.